Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
