Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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