I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
40s are totally the cure
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
