Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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