don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
