My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
