Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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