If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
