So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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