I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Boobs are out for the taking
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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