I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
