OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
