fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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