So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
