How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
