Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
