Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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