also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
