...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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