triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
