once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
