dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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