Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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