I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize