There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
