i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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