i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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