so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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