just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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