yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
