I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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