I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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