if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
