With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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