my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
