Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
