Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
