saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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