My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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