every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
as a side note pls kill me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
