dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
