Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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