yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
