Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
