You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
