I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
