I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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