Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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