Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
