Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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