Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
