God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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