all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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