every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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