Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
