how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
