that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
