Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You can't special order awesome
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
