Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are the jesus of drinking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
