I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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