you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
