Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
