The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
